Tonight I had a dream. I dreamt of a friend I had forgotten existed, she had lived in the land of clouds now and I went to go see her unexpectedly, in my dreams. I Dream of her back when I was young, maybe 5, maybe younger. Her memory was so vague, but I loved her. When I was younger, I didn't recognize this feeling, but now I understand it quite perfectly. I observed my dream as I often do, and realized that this was a reflection on my life. In the dream, she was dating some lame dude that I couldn't say anything bad about, and she had a child. She was to young for a child, she was 2 years older than me. I remembered All my relationships, or hopes of a relationship. All the women I have loved, have disappeared from my grasp because of so many reasons. Each time it hurts even more, and I just want love. I'm so very tired of playing this game that I cannot win. I just want my loves to love me back. But they lead me on, they play with my heart, they dangle hope in front of me, and then rip out my heart. They do it with such force, savagely pressing their hand into the area of my mind and heart. They tear away at every little bit until there is nothing left but disarray. The thing about all of this, is this friend I loved, never existed. She was a dream as well, never meant to return in my mind. When will my turn come, and when will it not be a joke to hurt me again. I just want your love in return for mine, not a hope, not a dream, not a chance, no a "thing," I want your love, and I want you to take mine as well.

Life is tough, but don't let that get you down. We live from day to day so we can find that meaning to live. Why give up when the reward is greater than any of us? Please don't ever give up, and don't ever forget.

I love you.